God Speaks

Every time I go to church at The Branches @ FFC God speaks to me and most of the time it is a scolding! Just like my daddy used to do only not so harsh but to the point. The Blacks were there today and I could feel the passion they have for reaching the people of Jamaica for Jesus. I was impressed with Aaron's comment that he doesn't know how many they have reached for Jesus but that doesn't matter cause all they do is what God tells them to do they are OBEDIENT. OBEDIENT is such an intimidating word and a difficult one to do,why? Why is it so hard to do what we know is the right thing to do? Why are we so afraid to step outside of our box? Why do I cry because I want to be involved in God's work and yet I sit on my duff in my own world wondering why things don't get better for me?
God spoke to me today and basically said "Yea of little faith" I don't make enough money to pay my bills and yet God is saying "give" Give what? I work and I try to take care of a house and property the best I can. I have been harvesting the bounty of the season to supplement the the sometimes empty freezer and fridge. I share my time with grandchildren and my mother, I have no time or money,Give What Lord?
His answer was so simple "Give me you" Let ME take care of things, let ME take care of you" I hear this and yet I am afraid to be OBEDIENT. I am trying Lord I am trying.

Sifting through the ashes

I am sure that sounds like a fire and in a way it is. I have begun some serious spring cleaning and in doing so am having to go through the last of Glen's "stuff" to some that is all it is but to me that "stuff" represents a life that is lost to me but found to Jesus. I am happy where I am in life right now, I have a good life even with it's struggles but I find that I miss the life I had for 5 wonderful years. How do you decide what to save and what to throw away, what would the grand kids want from grandpa ? How will my future relationships be affected by what I choose to keep and toss? How will I feel when I toss memories. I find myself very confused at this moment but am comforted by emails I have received since Glen's death that reminds me that I am not alone EVER!
Jesus is here holding my hand and wiping my tears as I do this task and I am so thankful that he is cause I can't do this alone. I am again reminded about Jeremiah 29:11 That God has a plan for me and my future and it is for good not evil. Thank you Jesus for standing by me always.